Find the Warrior in You

April 5, 2018

I turned 65. WooHoo! I didn’t think I would make it, as my mother didn’t. This is the age we baby boomers associate with retirement. It’s another coming of age. I am Medicare eligible and accepted. Yay! It’s an age of exploring new territory, physically, mentally and emotionally.

I also made a 3,000 mile move across the country, from a house, a city, and friends of 30 years. Another adventure! WooHoo again!

Some people saw this move as brave, even courageous. I don’t know, it was just time. I was complete with where I was and ready for something new. I couldn’t have done it so easily without my good friend driving across country beside me, as my emotions were raw then, as I was tired and stressed. I couldn’t have done it as well without the help of my daughter, who ensured a place to live and work that was already lined up. I couldn’t have done it so easily if I hadn’t visited this town a couple times a year for the last 15 years, so I knew people and places. There was a sense of familiarity.

But all of this can be disarming, to some, to me. Before I left VA as I was ridding myself of many years of keeping things, I burned my journals. As I tossed them into the fire I would occasionally see a word, a drawing, a poem, or something I tore out to keep, as a last memento. I read about and didn’t keep my words saying I did not like competition because it made me feel inadequate. Wow! How many times have we not ventured to do something because we don’t feel competent at it so why try? How often have we not ventured out the box of our comfort zone to explore something unfamiliar?

My good friend from Virginia also said to me that I liked to do the things I wanted to do. Well, yes, because those are the things I feel competent at, and not so much maybe things some other people suggest. I am also reminded of being in many art classes where some of us feel very intimidated by the professionalism, or expertise, of others in the class. We compare ourselves and come up short and lacking. I personally look at an empty canvass and want what I put down to be “perfect”. How hard are we on ourselves and dismissive of our own abilities and capabilities?

 I remember after I had been teaching yoga for many years, a fellow student and yoga friend invited me to a meditation group. I thought about it for about half a second and firmly decided I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t go to such a meeting because what if I didn’t know what to do, or how to meditate correctly? I would not meet the expectations of the group. I wouldn’t be accepted. I wouldn’t be able to do the very thing that was proffered.

Well, I am working on my insecurities. I am trying to do new, and old things, that I don’t feel very competent at. This idea of competition reminds me of yoga. Because we don’t compete in yoga. We don’t compare ourselves to the yogi on the next mat. We don’t try to be the first, the fastest, the one who can hold the pose the longest. We don’t attempt to show off and be the most flexible, or the strongest, or the most balanced. We may try to show up in those ways, but it is discouraged.

What I am struck with is how many people say they cannot attend a yoga class because they don’t know yoga and they don’t know what to do. That’s the insecurity I was experiencing, about not trying something new. It’s just about being confident enough to say, I can do whatever they’re doing, or something similar at least. We come to the mat to practice Warriors, especially Warrior 1 because that pose is about feeling confident, about being a warrior in our lives. We practice being a warrior so we can go out in the world and be brave and do anything. We can walk up to a stranger and say hi. We can help out a person we don’t know, or even one we do, if it stretches our limits. We can climb a mountain, take a trip, sew a pillow, whatever is our dream.

I invite us all to think about where we can be a warrior, where we can open ourselves up to new things, where we can be confident and living, as well as loving. I invite you to come to the yoga mat, and check it out. Take a trip toward yourself for your benefit and the benefit of all those beings around you.

If Dr. Seuss was a Yogi

Hello, good morning, today is the day
That you start your life in a totally new way.
With yoga you practice from a  bed or a chair.
You do it with company or on a  dare.
You can balance on your hands or on your feet.
You can even try it on the street.
Where you are is where you start
You need a body and a lot of heart.
But most important is that you try it today.
We’ll help you get started. Namaste.

--from Fearless after Fifty: How to Thrive with Grace, Grit and Yoga by Desiree Rumbaugh and Michelle Marchildon

I honor you. Namaste

Yoga for the older student

So I was asked by a student to address what to do as an older yoga practitioner. As many of us are 60 plus, I thought I might speak to this issue.

First, do not hurt yourself. Pain is the body’s signal that you should stop! Go to that place where you can feel an effort in your muscles and in your mind. But don’t strain or work so you cannot catch your breath. Do not work to the point of feeling intense sensation that stays in one place. With yoga practice we breathe and hold postures to the degree that we feel muscles stretching, relaxing or working in a curve, where the sensations shift. If a posture is not serving your body well, ask your teacher for a modification or alternative. It’s okay, that’s what the teacher is there for, and someone else in the class may appreciate the response!

Don’t compare or compete with others, not even yourself. Again, this is standard yoga protocol. As we age we tend to let go of trying to better someone else. We also remember how flexible or strong we used to be. So maybe use that as a carrot in front of you to strive for doing more than you can currently do. I am taking a core strengthening class with my daughter, Jen. I am fully aware that I am the oldest, and the weakest in the class. My goal is to continue to work, not overdo, and enjoy and appreciate the benefits of increasing strength that I receive.

Practice shorter holdings of the postures, with more repetitions. Again, not to overdo, but remember that your muscles appreciate repetition. In yoga we move slowly and hold postures for the muscles to work, to strengthen or relax. So stay in a standing squat-Utkatasana-for 3-5 breaths. Come out of the pose and then repeat. Squatting is a great exercise to continue to practice as we age. Balancing postures are also very important, mainly for focus of the mind. Remember it’s perfectly acceptable to come out of a pose before other students do or when the teacher says.

Do work on your joints. Feel free to rotate and circle with your joints, like ankles, hips, shoulders, wrists, but not your neck, please. Don’t circle with your neck like an owl, but allow your head to go down to your chest and make half circles, like grins across your chest from one shoulder to the other.  Moving joints increases synovial fluid around them, which lubricates the joints and makes them happier. Be mindful of pain in joints, because that is not what you want. With our aging ailments you may want to ice or take an Alleve to help your yoga practice be more effective and pleasurable. Drink plenty of water before and after yoga practice.

Don’t be afraid to use props. This is not a sign of weakness, but rather a good choice. Using props, like a wedge for your hands in downward facing dog, or a folded blanket under your hip in pigeon may be the difference between being able to practice the pose or not. If you don’t know what to do, ask the instructor.

Above all else, don’t give up. Keep moving! And keep practicing yoga!

I know this may sound like all the usual yoga “rules”, and they are, but maybe as we mature we can actually listen to the rules!

Namaste

See you on the mat!

Finding a yoga teacher

A yoga student thought I was retiring. Not yet, my dear yogis and yoginis. You don’t get rid of me that easily! And even when I do retire, I will continue to teach yoga as it is my passion and my life.

That brings us to a yoga lesson: be here now. This student was worrying and thinking about the future. Yoga teaches us to be present, in the moment. Let go of worry and fear. In the present we experience happiness.

This brings to mind the question: what do we look for in a teacher? A yogi friend was recently at training and shared with me how she did not enjoy the teacher. Oh, horrors! We go away on retreat or for training and we don’t like the teacher! That inhibits the learning process for sure. It also makes us reach for the positives. This particular student noted the teacher’s ego - that it was all about him.

I also had a horrible training once with a teacher who was so insecure that she could not allow any of the students, who were all seasoned yoga teachers with experience galore, ask questions, or more importantly answer questions and share all their knowledge.

I had teachers come to my studio on Franklin Road , back in the day, who refused to listen to what a student was telling them about their bodies and why they could not practice a particular pose. The teachers instead instructed the student(s) to do what they were telling them to do.  Another visiting teacher once told me that a student was wrong when I reported what the student had said about how they were treated in a class which I did not attend. This student had a particular injury that she was nursing and felt like the instructor was not hearing her. The teacher clung to her ego and insistence that what she did was correct and that the student was in the wrong.

Do you see where I am going here? All of those teachers are ones I do NOT want to take classes with or receive yoga training from, or have my students exposed to. The ones who came to teach at The Yoga Center were not invited back to teach there again.

The examples listed above are traits and ways of being with students that I do not care for. What is important is to identify your own needs when seeking a yoga teacher or class. I will enumerate some traits I think are important in a teacher and ones that you should look for.

1) A teacher who is pleasant and cheerful to work with. Why would I want to be with a teacher who is a grump? A good teacher can roll with the flow of life, and may have some less cheerful days, but on the whole seems truly happy to be in front of the class and sharing what he or she knows about yoga. I love yoga. I want to take classes from a teacher who also loves it and enjoys teaching it.

2) A teacher who respects students’ boundaries, as well as what the student(s) says and knows about his or her own body. You are really the only one who knows how you feel, or what illness or injuries you have sustained. When you share that with your yoga teacher, that information, as well as your person, deserves to be respected. A good teacher encourages students while acknowledging their limitations.

3) A teacher who is supportive, not degrading. I so enjoyed being with Baron Baptiste. He was fun, funny and spiritual. He was not how I thought he would be. And he was so grateful to be with us as students. I do not care for the teacher who puts me down or criticizes my posture or my body. That kind of behavior is not acceptable, nor does one recover easily from it. An art teacher once laughed at my work (which was not intended to be funny) and it took me about 10 years to venture into the art world again. Donna Farhi, in her book Bringing Yoga to Life, says that we unconsciously look for teachers who support our own self-image and talk. The teacher who berates you may be mirroring the violence you dish out to yourself.

4) A teacher who is encouraging and takes you places you may not have ventured before—who takes you to places you didn’t think you were capable of. I was overwhelmed when I went to a Power class with Baron Baptiste at Kripalu. We were handed towels as we entered the classroom and we needed them! We worked so hard, I sweat so much, my glasses slid down my face. AND, I practiced postures I never thought I could because he warmed us up properly and led us in a supportive way to get where we were going. He believed in our skills, as well as his own.

5) A teacher who offers more than is expected. A lovely training I had with Judith Lasater included some information about Nonviolent communication as well as being present in the moment. She talked a bit about these 2 things, while incorporating them into the topic of the training and demonstrated what she was talking about. Loved her!

6) A teacher who is observant of her students and their bodies, and who knows how to help them modify and how to take them farther in a posture and in the journey. I like a teacher who checks in about injuries or simply even how I am feeling today. Again, I want to know the teacher has something other than her or his own ego showing up at the class.

7) A teacher whose ego isn’t the most important thing. It’s not about the teacher, it’s about the student(s). Again, I have been to too many classes where it was all about the teacher, and hearing him or herself talk, or even watch themselves demonstrate postures. L

8) You may also appreciate a teacher who is respectful of your time, and generous with her or his own time and person. I have asked some teachers questions after a class, and they just basically sent me on my way, without taking time to answer me.

9) I also appreciate a yoga teacher who promotes yoga and its teachings, without promoting her or himself. I have had teachers who were all about themselves. Really? I coulda stayed at home and done my own practice.

Once a student questioned why I didn’t wear yoga pants when I taught class. And why I didn’t practice with the class. I remember the first time I attended a yoga class and the teacher walked around and did not demonstrate or practice with us, but instead led us through the practice with his voice. I was surprised, but got over it and enjoyed the practice.  Rolf Gates didn’t dress like a yoga teacher, and was one of the best I have practiced with. He demonstrated one pose because he could see we were all a bit confused. He was tuned in to the students.

Maybe you need to see someone doing a pose. Perhaps you like hands on assists, or don’t want anyone touching you. You should be able to make this clear to the teacher and have your wishes respected.

What about the level of the class? Does the teacher speak to your needs? At the beach I attended a class labeled Gentle and beginner. The time suited my vacation “schedule” and so I went. The student next to me was a beginner, older and a man. Needless to say we were not the same person, nor did we have the same needs or abilities. The teacher was really good, though, as she was able to attend to the beginner mind as well as give space for additional holding or postures which served me well. In fact, I simply just held some of the poses longer.

Some of us appreciate a routine, and keeping things the same. If that is what you need, look for a teacher who offers that style. Integral, Bikram and Ashtanga styles all offer the same set of postures, in the same order each practice. Or if you like to mix it up, seek that in a teacher or class. Kripalu is an example of each class not being the same.

Is there a deal breaker for you? Is there a quality you don’t want in a yoga teacher or something you absolutely have to have? Check in with yourself to see what you need. Then find a teacher and find a 

class. Trust your instincts. 

Got enough ideas? Really and truly, it comes down to whether or not you resonate with a particular teacher. We are all different and have different needs and respond to different styles of yoga and different styles of teaching. I remember the yoga joke: 2 students left a  class and one proclaimed: “That was the best yoga class ever. The teacher talked the entire class!” The other student countered with: “That was the worst class ever! The teacher talked the entire class!” Find what makes you feel good, happy, and complete.

As one of my favorite chiropractors said to me one time when I was shopping for a new one: “I don’t care if you come to me or not, but please do get some help!”  I support you in practicing yoga, in your way, with the style or teacher you enjoy. Please do practice yoga!

Bottom line: Find the teacher and class that help promote what you want to receive from practicing yoga. It’s your body, your life. May you find ease in your body, peace in your mind and compassion in your heart.

Namaste

End of the year reflection, or how yoga has helped me

It has been a difficult year…of changes, transitions and losses. My yoga practice has both failed me and sustained me. Change has been inevitable. Suffering was not a viable option.

A yoga student shared that it took her a year to be able to write about an event, as it had so great an impact on her. When she was able to write I imagine it was cathartic, a letting go.

One day I made a U-turn on Grandin Road. This is a metaphor for my life. After that I learned that I would no longer have the space at CoLab, on Grandin Road, available to me after the end of June. Maybe I should be more discriminating when it comes to making U-turns! But I do it when there are no other cars coming and I have room to make it in one turn. So I believe I do it safely and cautiously.

So in my life I have made a U-turn. I am back to where I began, almost, but not completely the same. I am teaching yoga like almost 30 years ago, at different locations, and as an adjunct to the rest of my work. It no longer serves me to have a studio, especially when there are many fine accessible ones in this town and its surrounds. My energy is not up to the struggle of locating and leasing a space, nor managing teachers other than this one!  Other employment is what puts the gas in the car and food on the table, so I am back.  I have returned to that place where I can say that I can teach yoga and give myself to it instead of trying to run it as a business.

In the past year and a half I have counted several losses, including the loss of the space above Grace’s Restaurant, my grand dog, Mary Jane,  a friendly relationship that dwindled away over the last couple years, my 9 year old cat, Tia, who was my heart, and my likely 100 year old maple tree. And then there were the procedures and surgeries. Grieving has not been easy, and yet it has been. Thankfully I have been able to be with family more than usual this year, and my old and new friends have stepped up to the plate to comfort me through these times.

I stayed away from the mat because I didn’t want to feel. I didn’t want to break down. I didn’t want to tap into what’s inside because I knew it would be real and it would be painful. And yoga always brings me to what’s truly going on. That depth was scary to me. I could not take the pain of finding my insides open and exposed to me. So my yoga practice failed me because I didn’t do it.

But when I found myself frustrated or sad, or even confused, when I remembered my yoga practice, all became clear. My yoga practice has helped me physically: my ankle and hip ailments subside. My yoga practice helped heal my heart and its wounds. My yoga practice helped me remember my mission to help, not hinder, others. Yoga reminds me to breathe into the moment.

and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do–
determined to save
the only life you could save.

from Mary Oliver, poem: The Journey

A reminder from Mary Oliver’s poem that the journey isn’t an easy one. We need to keep coming back to it. We go off the path and we find our way back. May we all find our way back.

There’s no going back

to back

where I came from

There is only now and where I am now

Namaste

Snow Daze

A clean white blanket

A clean white blanket of snow
A clean white blanket of snow covers
A clean white blanket of snow covers everything
A clean white blanket of snow covers everything outside my windows

3 days. 3 days of quiet while the snow fell for 2 days and the sun came out for one. 3 days of being sequestered inside. In the quiet. Birds flew and landed on tree branches. Squirrels ran up and down tree trunks. All as usual. But with no sound. All was quiet, outside my windows.

This was an invitation to go inside myself and be quiet. I did do some self-reflection, some worry about our world, some anxiety about actually getting out and driving with my new automatic transmission car in the stuff.

Focus on going inside. Focus on the quiet of the mind. I got a lot of things solved this past weekend, solved in my head anyway.

It was easy to do some laundry and some reading, some cooking and some eating. It was easy to relax with the cats purring on top of me. It was easy to stay warm and watch Netflix and keep up with the outside world through Facebook.

Beyond those tasks, it was challenging. I almost felt stifled by the snow, afraid to go out in it, not wanting to shovel, while imagining it would melt by Sunday and I could easily get my car and self out then. If I had another person here I would have been more adventurous in going out for a walk or a tumble or creating a great snow sculpture like I have seen on Facebook. 

It all comes to self-discipline and getting myself going. Yes, we are often bustling and busy, so snow days give us a rest from the routine. I sure took it off! Hot cocoa, making hot soups, lighting candles, appreciating electricity. It’s ok to be a slug at times.

To find the balance, that is the key. To work and to play, to be disciplined and to take time off. What I recently discovered about myself is that I enjoy the creative energy, the trying to figure things out and get them going or get them right. My new website is an example. I loved the creative process of finding a new name for my business, and then creating a logo, which was a collaborative effort with my web person. I enjoyed the looking at what is past and deciding where and how to go next, to make things easier for myself and students. There was the anticipation of when the website would actually be live, and making new business cards. And then, it’s almost like letting the air out of a balloon. It’s done, and on to the next thing. Exhale. And move ahead.

So I am excited about my new business concept, of truly getting back to the roots of teaching yoga and helping others find what works for them. I’ve been doing that since 1988 when my friend and yoga teacher Katya left town and passed on her yoga classes to me to teach. It progressed to Piccadilly Square, my first yoga center space. My business became incorporated and teachers came and went. Now for a year I have been itinerant again, only me, well, except when Evie teaches yoga for relaxation. My space has been pretty much CoLab in Grandin Village, while I maintain teaching at Roanoke College, Hollins and Elm Park Estates.

What about 108? Why did I choose that name? Well, many many reasons.  I think we can come up with 108 reasons for practicing yoga. In yoga and Hinduism 108 is the number of mala beads. Mala beads are used similarly to rosary beads, in meditation, as a way to quiet the mind. I see 108 Yoga Works as a path to quiet the mind and dig deeper.

And we come back to the snow and the quiet. I am off to meditate and practice my own yoga; however it shows up today, as something new in the moment.